baguette-enthusiast:

A man walks into a bar and sees three cuts of meat stapled to the ceiling.
He approaches the bartender and asks, “What’s that all about?”
The bartender says, “Well, if you can jump up and touch one of the pieces of meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. But, if you miss, you pay…

sexybaldwin:

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty tyred.

sexybaldwin:

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty tyred.

mysticmoonhigh:

So I went to go see Guardians of the Galaxy today (great movie btw) and I look up, and start giggling like mad. I get out my phone and took a picture of it and my mom just sighed, turned to her friend and mumbled, “Do you see what I have to go through?”

mysticmoonhigh:

So I went to go see Guardians of the Galaxy today (great movie btw) and I look up, and start giggling like mad. I get out my phone and took a picture of it and my mom just sighed, turned to her friend and mumbled, “Do you see what I have to go through?”

angelartmod:

Never add me on skype if you have a tf2 nametag or else ill act like a me-dick With all these shitty puns

dragonhearted-she-woolf:

Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his pizza?

mixtapestraightoutof-94:

michael5zoz:

it’s been 2 years now and i still don’t understand why niall kissed wiz khalifa 

image

i don’t even think niall knows why he kissed wiz khalifa

americandreambarbie:

FRIENDLY REMINDER that walking on grass is the same as physically assaulting a human being!!! :) grass is a plant and therefore has life and feelings and should be treated with dignity and respect!!! :) also it is an EXTREME personal and cultural slight to those who identify as grasskin or other plantkin!!! if i ever see one of you in person and you’re walking on grass you will be unfollowed blocked and deleted from the internet!!! :) uwu :)))

lokiofasgard:

"gentle reminder that cleopatra’s beauty is rumored to have started wars in ancient history" — a post going around Tumblr

Actually Cleopatra was said to have not actually been that beautiful — men said that until she opened her mouth, she was simply average. What made her…